I KNOW every one in the world has done this and if you say you haven't, you're a liar.
You sit down to drop a Cleveland Steamer, stand up for the wipe, you forgot your Tucks Pads at home and grab some of the single-ply tee-pee. You dig away until there's no more sign of fecal residue left...and then you go for one more.
There's your first mistake.
The single-ply is too weak. It can't handle the follow-up wipe. You go for the final dig, pull the tee-pee out to inspect, and it happened. The paper tore. And what's sitting there on your fingertip like an abandoned baby on your doorstep?
"Was I making brownie mix earlier?"
That's there's crap on your finger. And no one is looking. You get curious. You look around to make sure no one's looking, you put your finger to your nose...
You. Are. Nasty.
You've done this before. Stop lying.